Old Ways & New Doors

I'd like to start off on a more serious note.


The later half of my senior year has been quite the roller coaster -- problems of the heart, problems of the grade, problems of the future. And with it came problems of the mind, almost to the point of apathy.

Additionally: On March 16, 2014 at (around) 5:30PM, I received the worst phone call one could possibly have. My sister had passed away -- but more on that later.

Months have gone by, to which I had dedicated my thoughts to the pessimism that is within, leading me to countless scenarios that I never wanted to dwell on.

But what was originally an act of ignorance turned into yet another personal revelation.

As the ancient cliché goes, the world has never, is not, and will never revolve around me. Or my problems. Or yourself, or the next guy, for that matter. 

We all go through the motions.

The Motions

I have always allowed my world to revolve around other people, my problems, and myself. I enslaved my loyalty to things that I believed would provide me a lifetime supply of happiness, ignoring the uncertainty of life itself. And well, if I couldn't have whatever it was then my future was, ironically, doomed. 

I trusted in my own intuitions. I trusted in the intuitions of others.

Consequently, that never worked. I knew it could never work too. I allowed history to repeat itself until it would miraculously fall into place.

Now, imagine me reading a history book and criticizing the stupidity of some people. 

Oh, the hypocrisy.

Reality

In a nutshell, happiness does not come from specific sources. It comes from the experiences that all those sources can bring, without imposing the belief that it is the only happiness you are ever going to find.

Like said, I disregarded the uncertainty of this world. I have always feared the term "uncertainty", until the realization that "uncertainty" didn't had to mean negative consequences. 

Life goes on. There will be its ups and downs. Both are inevitable, yet both are necessary.

I say to myself, "Maybe I've just become a cynic? A pessimist?" I guess I got used to my old ways.

But that's beyond the point.

So yes,

The world I live in seemed a darker place. Of course, it did -- I had to understand that although it seemed to be, doesn't mean that it was.

Here's to the new doors, Monica(:

P.S. I understand it is agreed that this post is possibly already known and understood by you, dear reader. But I congratulate you for reading to the end of my rant. And for that, you deserve many medals.